Boy! I am really out of practice writing on a daily basis. I find I am more interested in reading a million & one ridiculous time wasting books or watching The Walking Dead (and a million other shows on the boob tube) than I am in continuing this effort to keep up with journaling how our family is doing. I used to write all the time. You'd think I could handle a simple blog.
We just finished celebrating Easter, yesterday in fact, and I am so glad the big holidays are over until next October. So much stress. You know when I was a kid I lived for each new holiday, as an adult I dread them. I apologize to my mom for always taking for granted just how much stress they put on your shoulders as an adult & on your pocketbook. Yikes! What happened to me looking forward to my kid's faces on the morning of Easter? I used to stuff eggs full of candy & coins & get so excited about setting it all up for them. This year, I used the weather as an excuse to not do an easter egg hunt outside & the fact that our basement is under construction so I didn't have to do an egg hunt down there either. And it's kind of hard to hide eggs when everyone is right there watching you hide them. Really it was a big cop out because I am so over hiding the flipping eggs. I am becoming a grinch. A year round grinch. Now Kier (age 18) & McKenna (age 13) do not believe in any of the magical beings who deliver presents, eggs, baskets, or buy teeth from you, for a dollar, overnight; but Liam, who is almost 16, & his youngest sibling Nolan (age 10) do still believe. Or I assume they do because they get excited for all those mythological creatures that give parents all the extra work & none of the gratitude. I still go through as much of the rigamarole as usual for them, because I want them to tell me they figured out it was dad & I all along. But I gotta say I am tired of the myth.
You might be wondering why my 16 year old still believes? Well, it's simple. He lives an incredibly sheltered life because of his A-T. His body refuses to cooperate with him, his health is tenuous at all times & he has a lifespan of early 20's if we're lucky. Because he depends on all of us to do things for him he is very sheltered. He still believes in magic, literal magic. And I'll be damned if I'm going to tell the special needs kid, who will die young, that there is no Santa etc... I want that kid to believe in magic for as long as I possibly can. Until he comes to me of his own free will & tells me flat out that he knows, I will continue to keep the magic alive for him. And the reason Nolan believes, even if his friends don't or if he suspects but hasn't come to me is because his big brother believes so ardently & the rest of the kids, as well as his parents, keep the magic going for the A-T kid. Plus, Nolan can't keep a secret to save his soul & if we tell him then he'll tell Liam, probably in the next breath. So the myth is perpetuated by my cowardice. I have only myself to blame. And while I don't want to be the one to destroy Liam's belief or Nolan's for that matter, I am looking forward to not having all the added stress of keeping up the pretense any longer.
Does this make me a bad mom? Does this make me a jerk? Am I lazy? Tired? I hope I'm not a bad mom or a jerk. Lazy? Yeah, probably. Tired? Definitely! And I am okay with those last 2. I tried for years to keep myself going full speed ahead even with all the stress of being the mom to a special needs kid. Trying to keep that many balls in the air is not easy but add in the farcical belief that it has to be completely perfect all the time & you end up with anxiety issues & panic attacks. Which then means you get prescriptions for happy pills from your doctor & regular visits with a therapist. I'm slowly weaning myself off the happy pills & I successfully completed six months of talking to a stranger. She told me that I am officially not crazy anymore & therefore didn't need to come and see her. I laughingly imagine I have an invisible stamp on my tuchus that says, "Not Crazy". So when my husband or a friend accuses me of being nuts I can say, "No I am not and I have the stamp to prove it!" (insert winking smiley face here)
We did have a nice Easter though, even without the grand hunt. We watched movies & had a great big ham & organic homemade mashed potatoes, so creamy & tons of candy! And the weather during the day was gorgeous! Perfect Easter Sunday weather. Today we are enjoying the last day of Easter break & leftovers. The best part of the holidays, the leftovers. Dang! I'm a good cook, a few times a year. (Again with winky smiley)
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| Easter flowers are blooming |
There have been sleepovers for McKenna, all night gaming for Kier, we got our little boy cat Flynn neutered, enjoyed a very mild winter with little to no snow & not nearly as many below freezing days as we have in winters passed. Oh yeah, we also bought a new car. CA has been driving his Ford Explorer for just a few years but it was already 10 years old when we bought it. It is now 13 years old & has over 150k on it. In the last year we've already spent close to $1k in repair costs & then in March the transmission case decided to go caput. That repair is around $3k & the truck is only worth $1500, maybe. So it was time. We still have it & it sits in limbo in the driveway, waiting for Kier to make enough money for repairs & to get his license & be able to pay for insurance. Then it is his. In its place, we bought a 2013 Ford Edge, black. It doesn't have all the bells & whistles the Explorer has but it's still a decent crossover. And it gets 24 gallons per mile as opposed to the 13 the Explorer got. Definitely an improvement.
We also had a small accident with my van. Kier was practicing pulling it out of the garage stall & putting it in the other smaller one. His aim was a little off & when I said now brake & back up so we can turn the van more he hit the gas instead & popped the passenger side handle off the door, on the wall of the garage. $700 later it's all fixed, good as new. He was terrified his dad would get mad. But one of CA's best qualities is when it comes to accidents...he just doesn't ruffle. It helped that he was just going 5 mph & learning how to drive in our driveway/garage as opposed to out partying & being irresponsible.
McKenna went to her first school dance, with her best friend. I still can't believe she is almost done with her 7th-grade year. One more year & she graduates 8th grade & goes on to being a freshman. It's mind boggling. I thoroughly enjoyed taking her dress shopping. She looked so grown up to me. Nolan has been doing really well in school, continuing to surpass his struggles with ADHD, he's top of the class for math & reading whereas a year ago he was struggling in both. He's doing so well that his psychologist has deemed him okay to go without therapy anymore. So he'll still see the psychiatrist for meds but no more therapy, he's outgrown the need for it. Which makes me very happy. One less co-pay to worry about.
Liam is doing well. He has the first of many summer dr appts starting next month. All those specialists & tests. We're trying to get him an appointment with John Hopkins A-T clinic for a check up as they haven't seen him since he was 7. But he is loving school and has had an incredibly healthy year. He's only missed 6 days due to illness this year, so far. School is done the second week of June & Kier graduates the first week. I've already received his announcements & his cap & gown & honestly I cried. Totally cried. And Liam turns 16 years old on May 7th. When I realized I had 3 weeks till his 16th birthday I had a kind of WTF moment. Because just yesterday he was a toddler.
CA turned 45 this month & for his birthday, he took Nolan & Liam out of school for the day & took them to the Museum of Science & Industry in Chicago. They had a blast! And I turn 42 at the end of May. I could swear I'm still a teenager...until I move & then my body reminds me, No you're not a teenager anymore babe. You are middle aged. I look in the mirror & am reminded of that fact every morning as I try to hide it with makeup. A lot more makeup than I'm accustomed to using in order to hide my age & what it's doing to my face.
All in all, it's been a great couple of quiet months in our house, which we love. CA has been hard at work & hard at work at home, putting in a craft room for me & building a bedroom for Kier down in the basement. Kier's room is almost done & he'll be moving down there in a couple of weeks. It's been fun watching the progression of just a big unfinished basement becoming more living space. And with a family this big we need it. I wish I could share photos of the basement but I didn't go down & do progression photos so you'll have to wait to see the bedroom when it's complete.
Until then I hope you are all enjoying the beautiful weather, excellent health & lots of love & laughter. Enjoy some more random photos of our crazy family from the last couple of months.
Loki gets very upset that we go into our room & block the door so the dogs can't track in all their glorious dirt.
Our little Flynn. He's such a snuggler & it's still early but he was neutered to try & stop the spraying. What a bad smell! Only time will tell, but CA is adamant if the spraying can't be stopped Flynn has to go. CA isn't much of a cat person.
One of my favorite things about grocery shopping at this local Woodman's grocery store is there is a covered portico that you can drive into and they will bring your groceries out to your car & put them in for you. I don't use it very often, although it's available during all store hours no matter what, but come those freezing rainy or snowy days & there it is, an oasis amidst the foul weather. Thank goodness.
Ruby really wanted to sit on the couch. Loki takes up 3/4 of it & Nolan was sitting on the other end so she squeezed her tushy in there & sat down. That's determination, maybe a little stubbornness too.
The best way to drive over snowy roads during snowy weather, is behind a snow plow. They only go 35 miles an hour but they throw salt down too & it just makes for a less stressful drive.
Yes he really is that tall.
How he got the brush stuck to his collar we may never know but it sure made us laugh.
Nothing better on a cold winter day in Wisconsin than to take a little nap in a basket full of freshly cleaned & dried clothes. Luna knows where to go for warmth.
And finally both were desperate to be the one right next to dad, this is a fairly common occurrence in our residence. This is their solution.