Jesmyluk

We made it through the first year.  I say that as if at the end of the first year all the pain & heartbreak magically ends.  It doesn't. Grief isn't that simple nor is it linear. You will go through the grieving process many times.  Every time I see his picture on the wall in our home I stop & talk to him. "Hi baby, I miss you so much, I love you." Shower crying still happens.  I still beg God for it to all be a bad dream, that I'll wake up & he'll still be here.  I still want him back in my arms. Alas, those wishes never come to fruition.  And the pain starts all over again.  The truth is that no matter how much time passes I will always miss him & want him back.  My heart has a giant hole right in the middle where Liam is supposed to be, he took it with him when he passed.   It amazes my everyday that it has already been a year when it feels like he left us just yesterday. Just yesterday I held him in my arms & snug...

Liam's final message,  I Love You *Warning*  The following is not for those who cannot handle grief &/or raw emotions & does contain a few swear words.  February 2, 2021 This year just gets harder & harder.  For the first time in 5+ years, Liam & I are once again in the hospital.  After the New Year, Liam started having a harder time breathing & he was choking more easily when he swallowed.  We talked with his pulmonologist who was worried about infection so he prescribed a 6-day Z-pack.  He also asked us to up the breathing treatments to every 4 hours to help clear secretions & to keep him informed on Liam's progress.  He seemed to get better, had fewer secretions but he was still choking easily when drinking & eating.  We started virtual speech therapy, tried thickeners, & other tools to help him choke less but nothing seemed to work consistently. Both myself & the physical therapist noticed he was starti...

Photo found on the web is from Atlanta Journal-Constitution  I hope they don't mind I'm using it in this post.   Okay, I admit it, I have been pretty angry the last couple of months.  Not with my immediate family, or with life in general. Don't get me wrong 2020 was an exhausting, trying year but I haven't been depressed, I promise.  Just fed up with all the lies & deliberate misinformation coming from the White House, the Trump Administration,  his GOP supporters, & the millions of manipulated & misled Trump supporters, in the general public, via social media. This includes members of our extended family & friends. I still do not understand the cult of Trump.  I do not understand why his followers treat him as if he is their savior. He's just a man.  And an incredibly bad man at that.  An excellent con-artist but that's it. And he was a terrible leader/example of the free world, democracy, & our republic.   Tech...

  Who enjoyed saying goodbye to 2020 as much as I did?!?!  Who actually thinks anything is any different in 2021, so far? Yeah me either.  It is a nice thought though.  So from here on in this post will be happy! Do you hear me?!?!?  HAPPY!!!  (Big breath in ... & ... out) Now don't you feel better?  Pssst...work with me here, okay?  We rang out the old & in with the new very laid back this year.  Just CA, the kids & I.  And the dogs & cats of course.  Liam & I watched Doctor Who all night long so that we could be ready for the New Year's Day special episode.  Good times.  The kids played video games as did CA & of course we had our standard fare of 7 layer dip, chips, cheese & crackers & soda.  We could hear fireworks going off in the neighborhood by 11 & they continued until just after midnight.  As soon as we were done toasting in the new year we all went to bed.  We re...

I stepped back from social media before the holidays because I really didn't want to see or hear about people in my own realm going on trips to see family or friends during the holidays this year.  Normally, I love seeing pictures & hearing those stories from family & friends but this year with the pandemic I believe it is dangerous & selfish, harsh as that may sound, to travel.  All the traveling that is happening is frustrating to our family who has been on lockdown for the last 9 months, doing as the experts have asked.  We keep hoping people will put the needs of the many ahead of the needs of themselves but they keep disappointing us. Parties & get-togethers are more important than trying to slow the spread & save lives.  The more we all work together for a concerted effort to slow the spread of the virus; giving the vaccines a chance & the hospitals, Drs, nurses, & so forth a chance to breathe while trying to care for those who get d...