Jesmyluk

Liam's final message,  I Love You *Warning*  The following is not for those who cannot handle grief &/or raw emotions & does contain a few swear words.  February 2, 2021 This year just gets harder & harder.  For the first time in 5+ years, Liam & I are once again in the hospital.  After the New Year, Liam started having a harder time breathing & he was choking more easily when he swallowed.  We talked with his pulmonologist who was worried about infection so he prescribed a 6-day Z-pack.  He also asked us to up the breathing treatments to every 4 hours to help clear secretions & to keep him informed on Liam's progress.  He seemed to get better, had fewer secretions but he was still choking easily when drinking & eating.  We started virtual speech therapy, tried thickeners, & other tools to help him choke less but nothing seemed to work consistently. Both myself & the physical therapist noticed he was starti...

  Who enjoyed saying goodbye to 2020 as much as I did?!?!  Who actually thinks anything is any different in 2021, so far? Yeah me either.  It is a nice thought though.  So from here on in this post will be happy! Do you hear me?!?!?  HAPPY!!!  (Big breath in ... & ... out) Now don't you feel better?  Pssst...work with me here, okay?  We rang out the old & in with the new very laid back this year.  Just CA, the kids & I.  And the dogs & cats of course.  Liam & I watched Doctor Who all night long so that we could be ready for the New Year's Day special episode.  Good times.  The kids played video games as did CA & of course we had our standard fare of 7 layer dip, chips, cheese & crackers & soda.  We could hear fireworks going off in the neighborhood by 11 & they continued until just after midnight.  As soon as we were done toasting in the new year we all went to bed.  We re...

  It took me a week before I was able to do this post...  Last Thursday at 3pm we had to put our 15+-year-old cocker spaniel, Nikki, to sleep.  Needless to say, it was an incredibly emotional day.   It wasn't a shock to us as she was 15 years old, had severe cataracts, & was deaf.  This summer she started getting really picky about food.  Then she started going to the bathroom in the house fairly regularly so we had to sequester her inside the laundry room, where there is no carpeting.  This fall getting her to eat was becoming more and more difficult, I just knew we were going to lose her.  I kept hoping she would turn around because it's already been a really bad year for loss in this house & honestly I just didn't want to face losing another furry family member. But last week we noticed her left eye was beginning to ooze mucous & we could clean it off but it would crust back over within half an hour. And then she officially sto...

Is it just me or does it feel like this year went by both incredibly slowly, almost painfully, and at the same time, looking back, incredibly quickly? It's a weird dichotomy that has me flummoxed at the inconsistency.  I have been enjoying decorating our home for Christmas & am happy to report that it is all done & ready for the holiday.  Now we just need to finish our shopping for presents, all online.  This will be the first year in 25+ years that I will not be making a tremendous amount of Christmas baked goods to be wrapped & delivered to family, friends, neighbors, teachers, front office staff, & CA's co-workers. There is a minuscule part of me that is relieved at this thought and yet, a much grander part of me that stumbles at this concept.  Again I find myself confused at the contradictory emotions of the past year. I can't possibly be the only one experiencing this juxtaposition. I don't know maybe it is just me.   Anyway, on to less...

Full disclosure, I am sitting in my Christmas jammies, watching Hallmark Christmas movies in bed, while I type.  It is 8pm on Thanksgiving day.  And our Thanksgiving was low key but lovely.  It started with an 18lb bird & the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade & ended with bellies full of an abundance of food.  And of course, I took pictures of the day.  I even had Nolan take a couple pictures of me making *"rotten" eggs.  Generally speaking, I am not a fan of having my picture taken.  But I don't want my kids to look back at photo books after I am gone & never be able to see me in them.   Like I said our day started w/ putting the turkey in the oven & the parade.   Like our barricade?   The barricade has to be erected every time there is major cooking taking place in the kitchen because our Great Dane, Loki, laying on his pillow in the picture below, can reach the countertops w/ ease.  And last year while...

  Every November 1st people, on various social media sites, begin a month-long daily posting of things for which they are grateful.  I have never partaken, simply because I have never been one to follow a crowd.  The more popular something is the less likely I am to participate or view or read or listen.  Why? I honestly don't know.  I just hate doing what everybody else is doing. For example, I haven't gone to see Hamilton, (although that one is mostly because it's too flipping expensive) and I never watched  Downton Abby (or is it Abbey?)  I also have not seen The Tiger King.  I haven't participated in newly popularized escape rooms or fancy bullet journals, I also hate reality TV like Big Brother, or the Bachelor(ette), singing competition shows etc.. And I don't enjoy massages. Now IF it's something I am already doing & I love it then I keep going, I don't cut off my nose to spite my face.  It's not because I don't recognize or admit...