Jesmyluk

I was born in rural Michigan. My mother had been raised Catholic & when she married my biological father she converted to Methodism.  So I was baptized into the Methodist church as a baby.  Obviously, I have no memory of this.  About 3 years later, my biological father left my mother for another woman.  He fought for 2 years to get custody of my 2 older siblings & myself.  It was decided there would be a 6-month split.  He would get us for 6 months, leaving my mother with one weekend a month to spend with us, & then it would be reversed.  She would get us for 6 months, leaving him with one weekend a month.  He went first but before that first 6-month split was completed all 3 of us had been kicked back to mom, he wanted nothing to do with us.  I never saw him or heard from him again.  Nice guy, right? Leaving my mom to raise 3 kids on her own in rural Michigan.  I don't know what his demons were & frankly I don't car...

Before I get into this remember I am neither a Democrat nor a Republican. I am a registered Independent bleeding heart liberal.  Every time a conservative says something akin to the phrase "progress for the sake of progress is a bad thing" or "things were better the way they were before Roe v Wade," I think of the scene towards the beginning of Harry Potter & the Order of the Phoenix, (yeah, I'm a geek, deal with it) where Umbridge is introducing herself to the students & staff &, although very thinly veiled, lets everyone know that the Minister of Magic, (: ie the government) are monitoring & soon will take over at Hogwarts.  For the benefit of the students of course.  That's who they really care about.  Never mind that Umbridge actually hates kids.  Mostly because she can't control them.  At least not without torturing them first.  At this time in history, GOP members ARE the Umbridges in the US.  With Mitch McConnell channeling ...

We made it through the first year.  I say that as if at the end of the first year all the pain & heartbreak magically ends.  It doesn't. Grief isn't that simple nor is it linear. You will go through the grieving process many times.  Every time I see his picture on the wall in our home I stop & talk to him. "Hi baby, I miss you so much, I love you." Shower crying still happens.  I still beg God for it to all be a bad dream, that I'll wake up & he'll still be here.  I still want him back in my arms. Alas, those wishes never come to fruition.  And the pain starts all over again.  The truth is that no matter how much time passes I will always miss him & want him back.  My heart has a giant hole right in the middle where Liam is supposed to be, he took it with him when he passed.   It amazes my everyday that it has already been a year when it feels like he left us just yesterday. Just yesterday I held him in my arms & snug...

Usually, at the end of a year, I like to close out the year w positive thoughts on our experiences through the year. This year I learned that grief can bury one alive without a single grain of actual dirt.  I learned that grief can leave one feeling as though one can't take even the smallest of breaths in even the cleanest of air.  I learned that humanity can really disappoint & disgust.  I learned that when the chips are down there are so many people who choose selfishness over their fellow man, woman, or child.  I learned that a lot of Christians don't actually understand what Christ stood for.  I learned that bodily autonomy & the rights of females (assigned female at birth) who are already born & living are not as important to them as the collection of cells that a female, assigned at birth, carries within.  I learned that even if you aren't the majority you can destroy democracy just by spreading fear simply by telling as many lies as you c...